Dealing with the struggles of young adulthood and medication –asking for help isn’t letting your anxiety win.
I can handle it alone, I do not need help, medication won’t help.
So many horrible thoughts went through my mind as I went into the third week of being unable to leave my house, my anxiety disorder had begun to control my entire life.
I’d just quit my job because I couldn’t get through a day without having a panic attack, I was falling behind at university, and I’d completely abandoned my family and friends. I was still too scared to start medication, because that meant the anxiety was stronger than me – that I was in a way, letting it win, by conceding, and taking medication.
Anti-depressants saved my life, and I am no longer ashamed of it.
But I am stronger and I always will be. I made the decision to fight against it – instead of letting it take over my life.
An anxiety disorder is like a constant dark cloud over your head, you second guess every thought you have and everything you say, every situation comes with a million ‘what ifs’. Sometimes the physical symptoms of anxiety are worse than the mental ones, like panic attacks that take away your ability to breathe or function as a human being.
An anxiety disorder doesn’t only make you dread things you don’t want to do; I could not bring myself to get the bus home to see my family or go for coffee with my best friend, I felt like I was hurting everyone around me and the worst part is that I thought this would be my life forever. I would cry to my mum on the phone every night and if it wasn’t for her encouragement I don’t think I ever would have had the guts to start taking medication.
When I was first prescribed anti-depressants, I felt embarrassed. I was only 18, these were supposed to be the best years of my life and all the people around me were going clubbing, had jobs and were thriving at university while I felt like I was trapped within the four walls of my bedroom unable to escape.
There is a huge stigma around mental health, more specifically being medicated for it. Whether it’s the fear that it won’t work or even fear of being seen as weak, people are scared and resent taking medication for their mental health issues.
But only when I started to become comfortable with the fact that I was taking medication, that I realised how many people around me felt the exact same way – we’re not so different after-all.
A study by The University of Edinburgh shows that one in five young people in the UK now access specialist mental health care by age 18. Speaking out about your mental health issues is always a good idea, your friends and family would rather listen to your story than attend your funeral.
Medication is not always the answer for everyone but those who need it should not be made to feel lesser for taking it.
If I hadn’t started taking medication I would have missed out on so much, so this is your reminder that you should not be ashamed of your mental health issues nor the treatment you need to help you manage them.
Anti-depressants saved my life, and I am no longer ashamed of it. It took a lot of trial and error; there were medications that made me physically sick and ones that didn’t make a difference at all but the feeling I got when I finally felt like I could finally live my life made it all worth it.
If you or someone you know is struggling with their mental health, please call the Samaritans UK helpline on 116 123 or Breathing Space 0800 838587
