Trying to navigate your 20’s can often feel like trying to jump hurdles.
You’ve just made it out of the angst and turmoil of your teenage years, ravaged by hormones and ready to start anew.
You start out fresh faced and twenty ready to take on the world. Then suddenly it starts to build. The pressure. The feeling that you are running out of time to achieve your goals.
All of a sudden everyone around you is excelling, whether that be in their studies or jobs, even in their relationships. It can often feel like everyone has it all together, they are on the straight path to success.
I promise you that’s not the case, even if someone seems like they “have it all together”, they could be feeling the exact same way as you. It’s all about perspective.
“comparison is the thief of joy”
So how do you navigate the feelings of failure or the internalised guilt of not being on that path?
Well, there is no right answer, and everyone is different, but from a personal perspective I took the very windy road. I finished school with a single higher in English and no clue what I wanted to do with my life. With no plan I went full time at McDonalds for two years before I even thought about higher education.
Feeling lost and like my life was going nowhere, I decided to look at university courses. I’ve always loved English and after inspiration from a Gilmore Girls re-watch I landed upon Journalism. So, I applied for a two-year course at Glasgow Clyde College and uprooted my whole life in the Scottish Borders, moving two hours away from home.
If you’re not familiar with the Scottish Borders, it’s mainly farmland and there’s not a lot going on, especially for young people. I grew up on a row of farm cottages before moving to a small village called Chirnside, which consists of a Co-Op, a chippy and about three pubs. That’s it.
So, to go from this to Paisley, just outside Glasgow, was a huge change for me. I moved into my new flat two days before I started college with no time to adjust. I was flung into the deep end.
Starting college, I was very anxious. I was already two years behind my peers and hadn’t picked up a pen since high school. But I decided this was my fresh start, no one knew me here and I could just be myself.
College really helped me. I was a nervous wreck in high school who couldn’t even answer questions without having a small panic attack. But I fell in love with journalism, I’d found my passion.
Though it wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows, and when I was finishing my second year of college and applying for universities, most of my high school peers were already graduating.
I was proud of myself for graduating college of the grade I got but it still felt minuscule in comparison to what everyone around me was achieving. They were starting their careers, and I still had two years to go. It was almost envy and jealousy. I didn’t want to feel that way, but it was hard not to.
A saying that has always stuck with me is comparison is the thief of joy. By constantly comparing myself to those around me I wasn’t allowing myself to feel pride in my accomplishments.
Just because someone you know has achieved something big doesn’t mean what you are achieving is small or shouldn’t be celebrated. Everyone moves at their own pace, and there is no “correct” way to live your life.
Now I am in my third year of university, something I never thought I’d be able to say.
I would be lying if I said that I don’t still compare myself to my peers. It is very easy to look around a classroom and find all the amazing things people are achieving, just to then look at your work and find all the flaws.
The most important thing to remember is they are probably thinking the exact same thing.
The main point of all this is you’re not alone in feeling this. The immense amount of pressure we face in our 20s is not an individual experience. We are told these are the best years of our lives . But that could be anytime.
Your life is yours to live and should not be determined by the pressures from others or the pressure you put on yourself. So don’t rush, take it slow and enjoy your life and celebrate all the seemingly “small” achievements.
Because comparison truly is the thief of joy. And we all deserve joy.
